Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resource
Virtual Psychotherapy and Counselling
for Adults and Couples
in Ontario and Newfoundland
Gaslighting and Self-Doubt: Relearning How to Trust Your Reality After Narcissistic Abuse
Disclaimer: This resource is for educational purposes only and does not replace couples therapy.
Gaslighting is one of the most powerful tools used in narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. It erodes your confidence in your memory, perceptions, and feelings until you begin to ask:
“Am I overreacting?”
“Maybe it really is my fault.”
“I cannot trust my judgment anymore.”
“I feel confused all the time.”
Gaslighting is not miscommunication. It is a pattern of psychological manipulation aimed at controlling your sense of reality. Healing means gently rebuilding trust in yourself.
What Gaslighting Looks Like
Gaslighting may include:
denying events that happened
rewriting history
saying “you are too sensitive”
minimizing your pain
telling you others agree with them
blaming you for your reactions
using your vulnerabilities against you
Common phrases include:
“That never happened.”
“You are imagining things.”
“You are crazy.”
“Everyone thinks this about you.”
Over time, confusion becomes chronic.
Why Gaslighting Works
Gaslighting is effective because it targets your need for connection. It is especially effective when it is you loved one, such as your partner or parent. It works because you have a desire to be seen as “good” and trust that others are being truthful. You have a willingness to self-reflect and improve, so you take other's perspectives to heart. Gaslighting also triggers your nervous system's stress response. You then begin to rely on the other person to tell you what is real, how you should feel, and who you are. This is not weakness. It is the impact of systematic psychological manipulation.
Signs You Have Been Gaslit
You may notice:
frequent self-doubt
apologizing constantly
feeling confused or foggy
believing you are the problem
trouble making decisions
questioning your memory
anxiety around conflict
shrinking your needs to keep peace
You may feel like you have “lost yourself.”
Healing from Gaslighting: Reclaiming Your Inner Voice
Recovery takes unlearning abuse that may have built over years. You start by validating your emotions and reconnecting with your body cues. Therapy can be you reconnect with your inner experience, something you have shutdown for years. Healing involves naming the manipulation patterns to reconstruct your reality. Over time, you slowly rebuilding self-trust which is bolstered with supportive, non-judgmental relationships, including friends, family, and a therapist. Therapy can help you come home to yourself again.
Reality Check Exercise
Complete the following prompts:
“Something happened that did not feel right when…”
“My feelings in that moment were…”
“What I was told about that event was…”
“What I now sense to be true is…”
Your lived experience matters.
Nervous System Grounding: Orienting to Reality
Look around the room and name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Say to yourself: “I am allowed to trust my experience.”
A Gentle Reminder
Healing after narcissistic abuse is not about becoming perfect at trusting yourself right away. It is about learning to listen to your intuition again. It is about honouring your emotional signals and reclaiming your sense of self. And it is about moving toward relationships that feel safe. You are not broken. You are recovering.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a space to rebuild trust in your reality, process trauma bonds, and gently support nervous system regulation. Healing involves restoring safety, strengthening boundaries, and reconnecting with your sense of self, at your pace.
Written by Jillian Fischer, RP(Q), offering trauma-informed online therapy for individuals and couples in Ontario and Newfoundland.
A Note on Support: These resources are intended to offer understanding and reflection. If you find that these topics bring up strong emotions or feel closely connected to your experiences, working with a therapist can provide personalized support in a safe and collaborative way.
